Musings of a Military Wife – Guilt

Since Noel went away on Boxing Day I can actually count on one hand the number of times I have been out socially with friends/family – this is VERY unusual!

The first time I went out was just two days after he went away as there was an extremely important football fixture that I just couldn’t miss so headed back into London for a trip to the pub with the family.

I was worried it might have been a bit too soon after he’d gone away as the last thing I wanted to do was break down in tears after a couple of drinks or when anyone asked me how he was doing (it’s our local pub so Noel has a lot of friends there) but I was great and held it together really well! Infact, I ended up consoling my Sister because she was missing him so much already – she wasn’t as sensible with her drink as I was lol!

I felt a bit odd the next day though as I was left wondering if I had done the right thing by going out so soon after he’d left. I didn’t want people to think ‘gawd look at here – her husband’s only been gone 10 mins and she’s out enjoying herself’ BUT it was actually him who told me to go into London to watch the game as he hated the thought of me watching it at home on my own (which is what I had planned to do).

A couple of days after, I met up with the lovely Amanda, Joyce, Sheridan and Terri for a few drinks. This was the first time I had met most of these gorgeous ladies and the night just flew by!!

The next time I went out was for the Wedding Ideas Awards which was two weeks later – what an amazing and emotional evening that was! I really felt lost without him that night, he would have LOVED it that night and I guarantee he would have been first onto the dance floor lol! He’s got the pictures and videos to look forward to when he gets back!

That was my last night out and I just need to get myself out of this rut – or is staying in something I should be doing??

Every time Noel phones, his first question is ‘what you been up to hon?’ and for the past 4 weeks it’s been the exact same reply ‘nothing really hon, just working hard!’ I’m blooming getting bored of hearing myself say it let alone poor Noel having to listen to me! The poor sod phones me twice a week and I NEVER have anything to tell him lol. He sounds like he’s having more fun than me heading off for a ‘brew’ with his pals before he goes to bed!

I know that Noel would HATE to think I was purposely trying to keep myself away but I have come to realise that it really does bother me what kind of opinion people would take if they seen me out enjoying myself while my husband is away on tour and I need to man up!

So, I am off into London on Sunday and going out with my Dad (football again lol!). I’m gonna let my hair down, hey I might even have one (more likely a couple!!) extra vodkas and I’m going to enjoy myself! Well this is the plan anyway – will let you know how it goes next week….

Please tell me I am not alone in this whole ‘guilt’ thing! Do you feel it too or am I a complete loon and possibly just being a bit hard on myself?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Much love,

Emma xXx